I’ve gotten a lot of questions lately about how I do all I do, and how do I keep such a positive attitude and get through the tough days. Well, for one I will say that as a mother I am able to do all I do because, well I have to. I am driven to do my best for my children. I have read many blogs from mom’s that have kids that have different, or “special”, needs. (I along with most moms in that situation hate to say “special” needs because all children have special needs, as all children are different. So a child with extra needs just needs different things) Anyway, most of them will tell you that it is hard, but if you were in their situation you would be able to do it too because, well you have to, you love your children and want the best for them.
Now, my children don’t have many different needs or attention, aside from my son. He was born with club food, and so from his third day of life he wore a cast for 3 months. We had to travel from Charleston, WV to Lexington, KY every week for the cast to be changed. This was followed by a surgery, and then special shoes he wore for 23 hours a day for two months, then all sleeping moments for almost 3 years. We are done with the “hard” part, or time consuming really. Aside from the mother’s fear when it was time for the surgery, the rest was made very easy by the loving doctors and nurses at Shriners Hospital for Children in Lexington. At this point we visit Lexington about every 6 months for a check up. So see, its not really that hard. I count that as a blessing because though we had to deal with a hardship, it could have been so much harder. And we were blessed to be referred to Shriners 🙂 I have a special place in my hear for the Mason’s and their subsidiaries,
Let me explain why they have a place in my heart. Another thing my son needs help with is speech therapy. We went through a program in our area called “birth to 3” they help children between those ages with many developmental delays. We worked with them for a couple months, because we didn’t realize he was behind in speech. When he got to age 3 his therapist said she was sorry, she could no longer work with us, but referred us to the Childhood Language Center in our area. This organization is ran by the Scottish Rite, another branch of the Mason’s. My son still receives therapy from them as well. Once a week he goes to his therapist, who we all love, and “plays” as he works on his speech.
Both these organizations are non profits and we have been so blessed to get the special treatments my son needed for no money out of our pocket. Another blessing, count it 🙂
Ok, so none of that sounds like much, but there’s quite a bit more. See, I have albinism, I was my mother’s special needs child. Due to my albinism I am legally blind. This has brought up many obstacles and then blessings in return. I can’t drive, so getting myself to a job, and the kids around was something I was so so scared about. Getting a job was scary, finding a place to live with minimal money was scary. But all of these things have been answered for us.
See, we have an apartment that I applied for where my rent is based on my income. It was nearing the end of January, I had waited and waited, and applied and applied for jobs. Finally, the same day in January I heard that an apartment had opened up for me, and I got a call about a job. Count it, another blessing 🙂
[update: I am not currently working, I am however looking for new employment, I am stressed due to the fact I am not bringing in money, but we have to keep moving forward]
I am lucky to live in a city with public transportation, so I have been able to get the kids and myself where we need to go with the aid of buses and cabs. And whether it be my good sense with money or another blessing from God, but even when times are really rough and I only have something like $70 in my bank account there is always enough money there for the things we REALLY need. And, if the money isn’t there, I am lucky enough to have friends and family that help if they can, which I am very thankful and blessed for.
So, basically what it comes down to is I count my blessings almost daily. Living this life, alone, low income, two young rambunctious children, non driver, etc is hard. Its really hard sometimes guys, sometimes I get stressed, sad, lonely, and even depressed. I hate to admit it, but I even break down and feel like its too much and cry. Those are the days in particular that I have to remind myself to look at the things I DO have, rather than what I don’t. And remind myself to forgive myself if I can’t get it ALL done EVERY day.
So, when I notice I am starting to feel this way I think about all the things God has given us. I’ve always been told He wouldn’t give me more than I can handle, and though occasionally I feel he trusts me a bit too much, I think back on the times it was really hard and scary. Then I see the places God blessed me and gave to me to help us get through. So that’s my “secret” its not much of a secret though. That is why it is so very important to count your blessings in life. In the darkest, scariest, worst times of your life try and think, even if you can only find one good thing that has happened for you, focus on that. If you don’t believe in God, okay, then just see it as a positive if that’s the only way you can accept it. In all the negatives I bet you can find at least one positive.
One thing I often go back to is my children. In all the bad that comes and goes in my life, if things hadn’t gone the way they did for me, I wouldn’t have the special kids beside me.
So, all who ask how I do it. I do it because I have to, and I count my blessings to get through the hardest times. And THAT is how I stay positive and come out with a smile, because I know, things will be okay, even if it takes time, things will be okay. Another truth is, sometimes the smile you see is hiding something deeper, but I stay strong for the kids and smile as often as I can.
Count your blessing guys, trust me, take a minute just to think about how things turn out in your life, it might just change your perspective. Also, consider that as bad as you have it, there is quite possibly some one out there with it much much worse. And at least you weren’t chosen to face those hardships.
Love and prayers
Okay, in my previous post about my history and finding myself I said that I don’t hate my ex for the things that took place. And I don’t, and I do forgive him, but I can’t lie guys, I am human and there are time where I feel a twinge of bitterness towards him. Bitterness, anger, and even envy. All these things are awful, and part of my human, dark, and twisty parts. God is helping me with these parts of who I am.
Bitterness, my feelings of bitterness come from the fact that I gave him my youth, I spent 8 years with the wrong person. And in that time he stripped me down to nothingness, all that I was when I met him was destroyed. And then I had no choice but to leave, and have literally nothing while starting out all over again to raise my children alone and re build myself. Also, after the birth of our second child he had convinced me to get my tubes tied. I am mostly upset about this above all. If he wishes to remarry some day he can have more children, and I can too, but only after an elective and expensive surgery If God sees fit to give me someone else and they want children, Id like to be able to give them that without such extremes. But, it is what it is, and God will pull me through whatever happens.
My envy comes from the fact that he moved away and back to his family who supports him. He left a high paying, responsible web job, to go basically get to go back and be 18 again as a pizza delivery person. And his, stereotypically younger than myself and him, girlfriend moved with him. So I envy that he has it so easy. Nearly no responsibility again, a chance to regain that youth he lost with me, and to top it off he’s not alone. But again, it is what it is, and God will give me what he wants me to have when he sees fit. Maybe I need to grow up a bit more before I get those things.
All this aside, I don’t like to speak ill of people. My ex and I could not make it work, for many reasons, and these are all my feelings I have spilled out here you all. He is not a terrible person. He does love his children, he does pay child support, and it may not be much, but he does see them when he can. I can’t take that away from him.
Okay, so I’m human, but I am working on these dark and twisty feelings, because I don’t like to wast time on being negative. Happiness and joy are feelings I would much rather consume my heart and mind, and God has helped me tremendously with that. 🙂
PS I got caught in a rant and didn’t mention the most important part. The Sweet part to this occasion. That being my two wonderful children. Without my ex, and without those years together I wouldn’t have them, the most important things in my life 🙂
Okay, so yes I am a single mom, and yes, I am alone much of the time; I’m alone except for my kids’ company EVERYWHERE I go. On that note, this blog is geared toward mothers in general, single, married, moms of youngins, moms who’s babies have left the nest to fly on their own.
So, as a mom I already knew that the kids were going to follow me like ducks in a row wherever I went, but after becoming a single parent it got worse, can you believe it?
Bathroom time is now a team sport, it seems everyone has to go at the same time, so its some sort of twisted relay race to make sure everyone makes it to the designated place to relieve themselves instead of anywhere else, because hey, have you ever had to ask your kid “why is there poop in your drawer?” this was a recent question of mine 😉
We can’t blame them if you think about it though, going with us to the rest room, and talking openly with no bashfulness at all. I mean come on, from the day they were born their first bodily excretion, be it drool, from the bowel, or the bladder, has been talked about and adored for years. Then when potty training begins, we talk about it more in depth. So of course they would want to make sure mommy (or daddy) is using the potty right, and “wow mom you peed A LOT) and such 🙂
Oh yeah, I’m one of those people too, if you are squeamish or don’t like talking about bodily fluids openly, some of my posts may not be right for you. Don’t worry, its not ALL I talk about, promise 🙂
Another thing, I NEVER let my kids sleep in the bed with me. To those of you that have or do, more power to you, it just wasn’t the route I wanted to go. But after the divorce, suddenly, out of no where my 4 year old would wake in the middle of the night and climb into my bed. Then his sister started doing it too. I tried to nip it in the bud, with no avail of course. Most times I don’t even know he’s come in the bed till there’s a foot on my face, or arm across my neck.
Which brings me to a mommy math moment. A full sized bed, which is what I have, can comfortably sleep 2 full sized adults. For some reason though, it cannot comfortably sleep 1 full sized adult and 2 1/2 sized beings in the form of a 4 year old boy and a 3 year old girl. Who knew? the math seems like it would work either way, but nope, trust me friends, it does not in fact work that way.
Finally, laying in bed last night exploring the randomness of my mind, as I could not sleep, I was thinking about the body fluid thing again. I go there a lot sorry. And I decided that if at this age of kids, you as a parent haven’t been drooled, puked, peed, or pooped on, oh and used as a snot rag, one of these things at least, you aren’t doing it right. If you have gotten away with no bodily fluids on you I need your secret, because it seems to go along with the job.
How do these things work in your house? Do you co sleep, have you figured out bathroom time alone, and do you have any funny body fluid stories? I happen to have many!! I will save them for another time 🙂
love and prayers
Oh, so I figure I might need to give you all a little bit of background on myself before this blog makes a ton of sense. So here it goes.
Born and raised in West Virginia pretty much. Minus some moving around when I was really little and a few years in Kentucky for college. I got married at 20. at 23 and 24 I had my two children. After 7 years of marriage their father and I separated and eventually divorced.
Our relationship was pretty screwed up lol. There was a lot of verbal and mental abuse. I eventually believed that I could not make it with out him, and I certainly couldn’t raise two young children alone. And if I left him, he would take the children. Then came the physical abuse, it had happened before the kids, but then stopped for a while, until it started again. Finally one day something in my brain clicked after he had slapped me. My son had seen it this time, and for some reason I grew quite calm. I left him that day.
I want to say that, as much as I want to hate him for these things, I don’t. We were both broken people at this time. I allowed the abuse to take place, and he, I’m not sure, he just acted the way he felt appropriate I suppose. I am not giving him a pass, nor condoning his actions. Merely stating that I forgive him.
So A year has passed, and I have done therapy. I was told at one point that after a divorce it can take 2 years or more to “become yourself again”. Learning who you are as a single person again. Boy, they were right. Its weird living alone, sleeping alone, not having another adult around. Dating is so hard you guys, lol. If you haven’t had to put your self out there in a while, its nuts. I often feel like a 14 year old giggly girl again 🙂 By often I mean the less than a handful of “dates” I have been on since the separation and divorce.
Maybe that’s something I can sound of to you guys about. You up for it? Lord knows I need all the help I can get you all. Anyway, more on the “getting back to who I am” later. Have a great day.